These past few weeks I have been dreading the start of work, a summer camp day camp where I will be a consoler with 20 1st and 2nd graders from 8-6 every day. I have dreaded driving to the meetings only to not have anyone to talk to because I was the only one who didn’t know anyone there,. I have dreaded the hours of work that I will be getting also including a summer class, boyfriend, and a life outside of that. I have dreaded having to do something all day everyday for the rest of my summer with no vacations and that put a lot of bitterness in my heart. I kept saying God why could I not find this job, or why could this job not have come available earlier to me. I have questioned the place God has put me in every moment of every day.
As I got ready tonight for our open house I still questioned it. When putting on a BRIGHT NEON orange T-shirt that was required for the staff to wear I kept saying “I look like a highlighter” “I don’t want to go to this” “I don’t want to do this” I made statement after statement about how this isn’t where I was supposed to be because I did not know anyone before interring into this task. When I walked into the church building tonight I still felt the same way, still filled with anger that I had chosen this as my summer job because I was not going to have any free time or any time to do anything for me.
I set up my room with papers that the parents should receive and then I waited. I began to pray and ask God to change my heart. I could not sit and get these children and parents excited about summer camp when all I wanted to do was run to the nearest exit, hop in my car and drive home. I asked God to do a work in me and soften my heart. One by one as the children came to pick up there stuff for camp I was beginning to realize why God placed me here. I will be dealing with children this summer and teaching them about how wonderful God is. Each one of them has a purpose in this world and a place and I hope that I will begin to help them see that their hope is in God.
After meeting the children we had to attend the church’s Sunday night worship. I was still not enthused about this because still I was new, I didn’t know anyone and being a pastors child when visiting churches I always have my family right with me. As the worship team started singing I heard a familiar song…
“I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need you to open my eyes
To see that You're shaping my life
Give me faith to trust what you say
That you're good and your love is great
I'm broken inside, I give you my life”
This is what I have done this summer, I have given my life to God to do his work and help change the lives of my campers. Through God I can make a HUGE impact in everyone that I come in contact with. No more bad attitudes, no more questioning, God has given me the faith to take this new step and this new experience.
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